none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
