Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
