I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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