Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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