Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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