its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
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She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
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Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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