Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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