phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
