The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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