Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
