My first STD was from a foam party
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
