the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
