I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
