He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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