Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
