I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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