I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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