So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
How does it feel to date your dad?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
