I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
