If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
