I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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