He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
