I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
