you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize