I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
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Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
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I just want nice things and good sex
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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