I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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