I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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