I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
