Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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