So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
