Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
