so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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