Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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