Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
