I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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