Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
