Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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