there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
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Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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