So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
