Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
