I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
