come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
