I'm drive I can fine osifer
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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