well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
where are my eyebrows?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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