Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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