Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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