just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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