WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
