You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
