To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
