My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
