I hate all girls vehemently.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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