his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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