I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Vodka?
Forever.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
