so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
