I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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