She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
