I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize