I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
