is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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