It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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