You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
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He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
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I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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