He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I believe in your delicious
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
