Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
